The Beginning of a Bad Relationship

Ha, this I know, now, after many mistakes.  Having three girls and one boy, these mistakes weigh on me.  My oldest two are married with a child, but my baby girl is 16.  Never had a real boyfriend yet.  I have learned she is a fixer like me.  Being a fixer is not good when it comes to relationships.  

“I am going to change, I will, really I will, for you.” they say.  No, no, no, that is jot how it works.  That is our first mistake.  Why are we even considering being with some one who needs to cchang?  If change needs to be made, then they are not the one for you!

“I only did it once, I won’t,  never again.”  What did they do ONLY  once?  Hurt you? Disrespect you? Hit you? If they care for you, once would never happen.  How many times did once really happen?

“You shouldn’t have made me mad, I won’t ever do it again.” How many times have we heard he wouldn’t do it again? 

“I am just no good. I am not good enough for you. I am just trash.”  If a guy says this to you, your response should be, “Maybe you are right.  If you do not think you are good enough for me then I shouldn’t waste my time.”  Never, ever, waste your time trying to prove to a guy he is good enough for you.  That is his job!! 

You can NEVER love someone into a good person.  You can NEVER love them into treating you right.  You can NEVER love them into the person you want them to be.  They are who they choose to be!

Always, always, be with someone who knows your worth.  If they do not know your value, they are not worth your time.  I could sit here all day writing about what guys do or even girls.  I have heard it all and seen more. 

Get to know that person, truly know them.  Watch the person you are interested in and listen, not with your ears, but with your eyes!


Know Your Worth

As I am beginning my book on domestic violence, I look back.  So many signs that I Ignored.  I accepted a lot of bad treatment that I never deserved.  I was worth so much more than what his actions showed me.  I deserved so much more than he gave.

We all desire love. We need to search for true love and not try to force it where there is none.  If you find yourself interested in someone, ask yourself why?  Who do you find yourself attracted to this person? How do they treat you?  What kind of life do they live?  Who are they when you are not around?   How do they treat others?

Abusers like to make you prove your love.  What they do not tell you is, you never will.  You will never do enough for an abuser to prove your love.  You shouldn’t have to.  Never should you have to do things that degrade you or embarrass you to prove your worth to them.  Abuse comes in physical as well as mental form.  They manipulate you into doing what they want.  If you do not do as they say then they accuse you of not caring or loving them.  You never can do enough for them.  The problem lies in them and not you.

If you find yourself a victim, know you are not alone.  Some of us understand and also know you are strong enough to get out.  You can!  Reach out to friends and family.   Find places that offer resources.  Do not believe your abuser who makes you feel a lone.  Find other survivors to help give you emotional support.  Sometimes having someone to just listening can be very empowering. Surviving:



Today I decided screw the past, screw what everyone thinks, screw is I make myself look stupid, and screw anything that tries and keeps me down. Today I choose to start living! 42 years and I haven’t lived yet. I have overcome sooo much in this life yet have not lived one bit. Today I decided from this day forward I live! I have goals that I want to make. I am throwing them out to the world, however little or big that may be, nevertheless, Today I make them public. Number one is too be happy! Do things with my kids whether i have the money or not! Step out my comfort zone and make video blogs about my life journey.  A fitness journey as I have put my weight back on after a hospital stay and two months of steroids to get my asthma under control. 230 pounds from 181. Sad I know. I am sure I will have babbling and such and occasionally make realy points. Talks about depression and that terrible feeling that comes from flash backs of domestic violence. Videos to come! For anyone in domestic violence please know you are not alone!Today: