I woke this morning with THAT feeling. You know the one where you completely and utterly down for no apparent reason? Depression is the name; standing strong is the game.
I know, the ones who read my blog might ask, “What in the world are you ever talking about?” Yes, I am guilty, guilty of babble. Times like today make it about ten times worse.
You who battle depression may understand. Yesterday was such a great day. I was hyped up and feeling all positive and great about life. This morning though, this tug, tug on my feelings bringing me on the brink of despair. I then think, like really rattle my brain and try and figure out the reason behind it. Nothing, there is nothing! All is good in my life. I KNOW I have no reason to be depressed. Sadly though, knowing and feeling are two different things.
I refuse to let it win. I bow my head and ask God in. I think of my blessings. I think of my kids and grand babies. My life is good, my life is blessed. Of all the things that I have been through, depression will NOT be what tears me down. Therefore, I pray and I stand strong! I have fought many things in my life. In this fight I will, once again, be a survivor!
As I am beginning my book on domestic violence, I look back. So many signs that I Ignored. I accepted a lot of bad treatment that I never deserved. I was worth so much more than what his actions showed me. I deserved so much more than he gave.
We all desire love. We need to search for true love and not try to force it where there is none. If you find yourself interested in someone, ask yourself why? Who do you find yourself attracted to this person? How do they treat you? What kind of life do they live? Who are they when you are not around? How do they treat others?
Abusers like to make you prove your love. What they do not tell you is, you never will. You will never do enough for an abuser to prove your love. You shouldn’t have to. Never should you have to do things that degrade you or embarrass you to prove your worth to them. Abuse comes in physical as well as mental form. They manipulate you into doing what they want. If you do not do as they say then they accuse you of not caring or loving them. You never can do enough for them. The problem lies in them and not you.
If you find yourself a victim, know you are not alone. Some of us understand and also know you are strong enough to get out. You can! Reach out to friends and family. Find places that offer resources. Do not believe your abuser who makes you feel a lone. Find other survivors to help give you emotional support. Sometimes having someone to just listening can be very empowering. Surviving: https://youtu.be/UTRWqvlTf5A